Oct
3, 2003 Issue
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~ B R A I N Y - Z I N E ~
"Learn How to Nurture A Smarter Kid"
Volume #1 Issue #24
ISSN: 0219-7642 Oct 3, 2003
Andrew Loh, Publisher, andrew@brainy-child.com
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By subscription only! You are receiving this newsletter
because you requested a subscription.
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T A B L E
O F C O N T E N T S :
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(1) ~ EDITORIAL ~
(2) ~ ARTICLES - Give Your Child the Gift of Self-Esteem
Top Ten Tips For Disciplining Your Toddler ~
(3) ~ BRAINY PRODUCT ~
(4) ~ LATEST BRAINY NEWS ~
(5) ~ WHAT'S IN THE NEXT ISSUE ~
(6) ~ CONTACT US - Contact and Subscriber Information ~
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E D I T O R I A L - W e l c o m e !
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Hi Everyone,
I'd like to share with you about an unforgettable event occurred to me last week and the lesson I learnt from it.
Last Monday morning, I drove my wife to the subway to work. After dropping her, I was heading home taking the usual route. When I
was about 50 meter from reaching a traffic junction. 'Bang', a loud noise and an unbelievable scene happened right in front of
my eyes. A motorcycle collided with an incoming car and the motorcyclist literally 'flew' in the sky and landed on the other
side of the road. When he landed on the ground, he was motionless.
I was in shock but somehow managed to drive the car and stopped
right in front of the junction. When I parked my car and turned on the hazard light, I quickly rushed to the victim. He was a
middle-aged man lying on the floor unconscious.
By that time, the car driver involved in the accident reached there too. Both of us were in shock to see the victim bleeding
VERY badly. The motorcyclist apparently did not have obvious external injury EXCEPT just one very deep cut on the throat.
I meant really DEEP cut as the blood was flowing out like water from the tap. That was the first time in my life to see such a
horrible scene. We grabbed a raincoat to press on the wound in order to stop the bleeding but to no avail. He just kept bleeding
and in very short time, there was blood all over the road.
We were panic.
I quickly approached someone to call the ambulance. That man was
in shock too and could not recalled what number to call. I was so panic that I told him to call 911 (I lived and worked in USA for
2.5 years), only to realize few seconds later the number to call for ambulance was 995 in my country.
Soon after that, a young lady came and claimed that she was a nurse. We were relieved to have someone who was trained to handle
such situation. She took over the 'difficult task', i.e. stop the bleeding. The victim, by that time, was breathing heavily and
coughing with blood flowing out from his mouth. A few minutes later, a doctor from the nearby clinic was there to help too. But the
victim's condition was deteriorating, his pulse was getting weaker and his breathing was shallow too. Judging from the situation,
I was thinking to myself that the victim would not make it.
While the doctor and nurse were doing their best to save the victim, we were directing the traffic. Everyone was waiting
patiently but anxiously for the ambulance. That was the longest wait I had in my life. I was thinking that time what if this man
was the sole breadwinner at home, what will happen to his children ...etc. At last, the ambulance arrived and the victim was rushed to the
hospital.
Even though, he was a complete stranger to me. It was very strange
that there was somehow a 'bonding' between us. I couldn't do anything that whole day and kept thinking about the victim. Later that evening,
I called the A & E Department to inquire about the victim's condition.
The hospital did not disclose anything to me due to the hospital policy.
Anyway, I found out a few days later from other sources, the victim survived.
If these recent events (including the family that lost their houses and
virtually all their possessions in the hurricane Isabel) taught me anything, it taught me these three truths about life:
1. Life is fragile and valuable - don't take it for granted.
2. Nothing is more important than the safety and well-being of family
and friends. Sometimes it takes a calamity or an accident to remind us.
3. If you have your best dress that you plan to wear only on 'special'
occasion, if you plan to say 'I Love You' to your husband/wife, if you
plan to hug your kids ....etc. Do it today, for your plan may never come.
Seize the day!
Take care!
Andrew Loh
Publisher/Editor of the BrainyZine
andrew @ brainy-child.com
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A R T I C L E S
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~ Give Your Child the Gift of Self-Esteem ~
by Cassie Simons
Much has been said
about the "gifted child" but in truth every child is born
with unlimited potential. As expressed so well by Orison Marden:
"Deep within man dwell those slumbering powers; powers that
would astonish him, that he never dreamed of possessing; forces that
would revolutionize his life if aroused and put into action."
This statement can be true for your child. Not just if he's a
"gifted child" but any child. Indeed, perhaps we should
consider a "gifted child" to be a child whose parents have
gifted him with a high self-esteem.
Children with high self-esteem are happier and more successful.
Low self-esteem is common in children who are performing badly at school, have
behavioral problems and suffer from depression.
The Newborn
The "helpless" newborn baby actually comes into the
world well equipped with the power to get what she wants. Not only
do her cries bring her parents running to tend to her; she also uses
her body and facial language to get what she wants. It's no
coincidence that babies learn to smile while they are still very
small - it is an essential tool in their armory of communication. A
baby with a disarming smile can frequently wrap mommy or daddy round
her little finger!
At this early stage, it's important to respond to all your baby
attempts at communication. Attend to her when she cries (this does
not preclude training her gently into a stable routine), mirror her
attempts at facial communication and reward the infant sounds she
makes by praising her and talking back to her.
The "Can-Do" Toddler
Toddlers are into everything! They are learning so fast about the
world around them and want to explore everything, touch everything
and even try to eat many things.
It is such a crucial stage and one that is stifled by many
parents. Yes, you need to control your child's behavior so that he
doesn't hurt himself or damage valuable property. But you also need
to give him opportunities to express this exploratory behavior
without constant criticism and telling-offs.
Put valuables out of reach and supply your child with toys or
household items that he can play with safely. Try to find time to
get down on the floor and play with your toddler. Let him watch you
and imitate you. He could play on the kitchen floor with some pots
and wooden spoons while you are cooking.
Discipline
I want to emphasize up front that I believe discipline is very
important, because I don't want you to think in any of what follows
that I'm advocating spoiling your child. Some parents call this
"allowing the child to enjoy the freedom of youth." These
parents are entitled, of course, to raise their children however
they wish.
But if you want your child to grow into a successful adult, you
would do better by teaching her firmly what is and isn't acceptable
in present day society. And, just as importantly, helping her to
learn self-discipline and that you will support her in achieving
anything she wants, as long as she does so ethically.
Discipline should be sensitive, thoughtful and appropriate. You
should strive to never lose your temper but to discipline your child
calmly and firmly. When is discipline appropriate? When your child's
actions (or lack of them) may harm herself or others. When is
discipline not appropriate? When it is purely for the parent's own
selfish preferences.
Talk to Your Child
Positive talk with your child and generally within the household
cannot be over-emphasized. Avoid criticism wherever possible; it is
praise that produces good, successful behavior. Be sure to find at
least one thing to praise in your child every day. Even better, give
praise as often as possible.
Are you having problems finding good behaviors to praise? If so,
give your child a task to do that you know he is capable of.
Children love earning their parents' approval. Also remember to
praise your child for trying, on those occasions that he is not
successful.
Set a good example; talk about your goals and successes, and
teach your child by example to accept compliments gracefully. Resist
the temptation to put yourself down when you are complimented -
instead, say a simple Thank You. That's an important sign of a
healthy self-esteem.
The other side of the coin to talking is, of course, listening.
It is very important to listen to your child. When there is
something he is upset about, don't sweep it under the carpet by
saying "Don't be silly!" Whatever it is might seem totally
trivial to you but often all your child needs is for you to empathize. "I'm sorry you feel sad about that." He may
then come up with a solution, or put the incident behind him without
further help. Or, you can suggest a solution.
The Power of Desire
You can give your child the best possible schooling, teach all
the important techniques of success, encourage goal setting and set
a fantastic example. But that is not enough! All these good things
have one vitally important pre-requisite. Before you can achieve
anything, you must know what you really, really want.
A burning desire is the first, most important and essential step
towards any major achievement. As a parent, you are in a unique
position to influence another person's desires - your child's. By
the time they reach their teens, you will have lost this influence
to a significant degree, as young adults are swayed much more by
their peers' opinions than their parents'.
So make the most of the early years by instilling positive,
beneficial desires in your children. The desire to do well
academically could shape your child's further education and career
much more than her innate ability.
How can you instill desire? Telling stories is a great way.
Children love stories! Be creative and tell stories where the hero
or heroine has a burning desire for something, overcomes challenges
and set backs, and achieves the desired outcome. Try telling stories
where a child achieves academic success, which in turn results in
something even more desirable. For instance, one story could tell of
a child who has a burning desire to travel to the North Pole. She
succeeds academically and thus wins an award, which makes her dream
come true. Tailor the stories to your own child's life and
experiences as much as you can.
The famous author Napoleon Hill used story-telling to instill in
his almost-deaf son both a burning desire to hear, and a firm belief
that his disability would actually bestow upon him a great advantage
(although at the time even his father had no idea what that
advantage could be). By the time this boy left college, he had
against the odds acquired a hearing aid that enabled him to hear
clearly for the first time in his life. More remarkably, he had
justified his father's belief by securing a marketing position with
the hearing aid manufacturer to bring the same benefit to millions
of other deafened people.
"Gifted child"? Give your child the gift of
self-esteem, and you will give him the gift of happiness.
==================================================
Cassie Simons (cassie@kidsgoals.com)
is the author of "How to Help Your Child Succeed", a
revolutionary approach to guilt-free parenting. Positive Parenting,
Gifted Child - Visit www.KidsGoals.com
today for the secrets of raising successful children.
~ Top Ten Tips For Disciplining
Your Toddler ~
Dr. Clare Albright
How can I support my toddler's spontaneity
while supporting his need to learn to behave in ways that will help
him to get along well in relationships and at school? How can I
discipline my toddler without causing him to feel shame?
1. Learn to say "no" in a firm, peaceful way that carries
authority but not anger. This parenting skill will help you to cut
short years of power struggles with your child and will help your
child to feel secure in knowing that there are limits. Strong-willed
behavior and temper tantrums can be encouraged by a "no"
from a parent who doesn't sound convincing.
2. Stay with your child when they are in "time out" so
that they don't feel abandoned. Many parents leave the area, which
can make a child feel rejected.
3. Follow through, no matter what, if you say that there will be a
consequence for misbehaving so that your child does not learn to
manipulate you. If you change your mind after a child protests, you
are encouraging your child to protest even more in the future.
4. Pick one or two target behaviors to focus your discipline on at a
time, such as not playing with their food. It is usually more
effective to completely train your child in one or two areas than to
try to train them a little bit in many different areas.
5. Be the boss and don't be ashamed of being the boss in your
relationship with your child. If you are not the boss, they will
step into the power vacuum and this may have long term negative
consequences. You could even say to your child occasionally, "I
am the boss."
6. Discipline your child in your loving, caring environment.
Otherwise, they may learn discipline from frustrated teachers in the
less caring and loving environment of school.
7. Present you child with small choices if you are in a lot of power
struggles with your child. "Do you want to wear the white shirt
or the blue shirt? Do you want the carrots or the peas?"
8. Remember that consistent discipline is a safety issue.
There will be times that your child's obedience to your input can
save them from danger. The best time to prepare for a dangerous
situation is before you are in a dangerous situation.
9. Do not feel obligated to explain your rationale for the things
that you ask of your child every time that you ask something of
them.
Many parents fall into the trap of explaining the rationale behind
all of their requests, usually because they want their child to feel
respected. Unfortunately, this often leads to the child learning how
to manipulate their parent by acting like the rationale is not
compelling enough to justify cooperating with the parent's request.
10. Focus on "first time" obedience.
Your child is old enough to learn this concept. It is not helpful to
your child to have you repeat yourself over and over when it is time
for them to come to dinner, have their diaper changed, etc.
Written by Dr. Clare Albright, author of "100
Tips for Parents of Two-Year Olds", Psychologist and Parenting
Coach.
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B R A I N Y P R O D U C T
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B R A I N Y N E W S
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Three issues ago, I published an article about how you can protect your child from toxic threats to their brain development, if you have
not read it, here is the link.
Recently, I've come across another two latest news about the toxic
threats that I think you should be aware of:
~ 'Baby Hair' Study Shows Autistic Children Have Altered Response to
Mercury; Reduced Excretion of Toxic Metal May Explain Autism Link ~
By USNewsWire.com (Aug 25, 2003)
A study published this month in the International Journal of Toxicology,
the official journal of the American College of Toxicology, provides
the strongest clinical evidence to date supporting the theory that mercury exposure is tied to autism.
~ Consumers Unaware of Mercury Risk from Canned Tuna & Other Fish,
Survey Shows; Groups Call for Warnings in Stores ~
By USNewsWire.com (Aug 28, 2003)
The New England Zero Mercury Campaign released results today showing
that over half of the 1400 consumers surveyed are unaware of mercury
exposure risks to women and kids from consumption of canned tuna. The Mercury Policy Project, a campaign partner, called on FDA and
health departments to strengthen fish consumption advisories and
require businesses selling fish to post mercury fish warnings.
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N E X T I S S U E
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Next issue, How do I know if I am being a good parent?
If you would like to review our past issues, click here:
http://www.brainy-child.com/newsletter.shtml
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Editorial Contact - General comments/feedback
Andrew Loh - andrew @ brainy-child.com
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