Raising a Gifted Toddler
By Inderbir Kaur Sandhu, Ph.D
Q:
I have a 2 1/2 year old son that I've always suspected was a
little bit different than most other children his age and
raising him has always been pretty challenging. He seems to
need very little sleep, has bounds of energy, is a great
talker and will not stop exploring and asking questions.
It's adorable, but exhausting! He also has a really hard
time getting along with other children his age and can be
either very introverted or very aggressive. This last trait
has been causing a lot of anxiety for me.
He has also been very interested in books and puzzles from a
very early age. In fact, he really isn't in to many toys
other than books and jig saw puzzles. I must read 20 or more
books a day and he probably does an equal number of puzzles,
on his own. He is now completing 60 piece jig saw puzzles on
his own and memorizing his books. I am not sure if this is
normal or not, since he is my first child, but I am
wondering if he may be a bit gifted. And if my struggles
with his endless curiosity, wandering off and inability to
socialize with other toddlers (save for one or 2 really good
friends) is all related.
Mostly though, I am wondering how important it is that we
figure out whether or not he is gifted at this age? Part of
me feels like we should just sit back and let him be a
toddler without worrying about giftedness yet the other part
of me wonders if I am doing a good enough job keeping him
stimulated and if I need to learn more about raising a
gifted child.
Something just seems very different with him compared to my
friends' toddlers and as he gets older it's becoming pretty
obvious that he seems quite a bit advanced. I've read the
checklists for gifted toddlers and he's definitely hitting
most, though not all, of the marks. I am just not sure where
to go from here or if I even need to worry about it yet.
Should I bring my suspicions up to his doctor?
A: There is no doubt that
parents who are familiar of the concept of giftedness are
the best people to judge if their child may be more advanced
than others, especially with the amount of time spent with a
young child. If you have been reading about giftedness and
feel that your little one has most of the qualities listed
in the checklist, you are probably right! I understand your
concerns at this stage especially with all the readings on
giftedness emphasizing early recognition so that appropriate
materials can be given to cater for their learning needs
before they are admitted to more formal learning programs.
For now, perhaps the checklists are good enough indication
of your son's advanced abilities. The most important thing
for a gifted child is identification which means
identification of their needs. This is crucial to enable
parents to adapt or modify parenting styles and the
educational environment in order for each child to grow. A
gifted child would have significantly different needs,
emotional, social, and intellectual, as a result of having a
significantly higher IQ. From birth, gifted children are
developmentally more advanced than their peers, making them
“out of sync” with the rest. Simple teaching may be too
stressful for minds that thrive for complexity and
challenge. Therefore, you need to gauge your son's level and
keep gradually increasing the complexity of any activity
given. An advocate of giftedness, Stephanie Tolan, likens
this quite interestingly to feeding an elephant grass, one
blade at a time. Not only will the elephant die of
malnutrition before you can get sufficient food into him, he
is unlikely to even realize that you are trying to feed him
at all. That single blade of grass is simply too small to
notice. This is very similar to the needs of a gifted child.
I doubt that your son has a socializing issue since he does
socialize with a couple of other toddlers. Kids at this age
are getting more attuned to their surroundings and may have
some individuated characteristics. As long as you are aware
that he is developmentally more advanced that the other
kids, keep stimulating him and not restricting his
activities to age appropriate ones – it should be more
ability appropriate. Parenting a gifted child is not an
easy; in fact it is more intense and isolating compared to
parenting the non gifted child. The child's uneven
development may cause them to exhibit a wide range of age behaviors at the same time, making them demanding to
parent, which is probably what you may be going through.
Furthermore, to fit in becomes hard when so much of your
environment depends on chronological age, a measure which is
probably the least relevant part of a gifted child's
development.
If you feel that he may be extremely advanced and need some
help, perhaps then you may want to see a child psychologist
who may be able to test his intelligence. This may enable
you to provide him with the appropriate educational program
for his age. However, its best to allow a child to grow as
he is now as long as you are aware of his gifts and
providing him with the right materials till a few years
later when testing can be done. Have a lot of free play
activities and guide him further with his interest in books.
You may want to read the recommended book below:
Alvino, J. (1989).
Parent's guide to raising a gifted toddler: Recognizing and developing the potential of your
child from birth to five years. Boston: Little, Brown and Company.
Good luck!
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