Being Different
By Inderbir Kaur Sandhu, Ph.D
Q:
My question is that I know that my 9 year old daughter is
gifted but no one seems to believe me she just started 3rd
grade she reading at 5.9 grade level. She does not have
perfect grades but she has A's and B's which 81% is the
lowest grade she has. For some reason or other she can not
take District test well, she as been diagnose with anxiety.
I think the she is a visual-spital thinker, she is very
creative and musical talented (plays the drums). She was
born premature by 7 weeks but she has developed normally and
some things she did before she had too. She walked when she
was 9 1/2 month and already spoke in 3 words sentences. The
school tells me that she is immature and that she has
trouble reading direction and staying on tasks, I understand
but when I explain things to her and show her how to do one
question. She does the rest in 5 seconds. She has to see it
before she learns it. Once she learns things she remembers
it forever. She has a remarkable memory, she remembers thing
that happened when she was three and know direction to place
that we have not been for years.
She is a bad test taker I notice she states that she gets
very nervous and forgets the answer while taking the test
and then remembers later after the test is collected. She is
not lazy she is a very good girl and respectful. What should
I do to help her at school? She had a student call her not
smart and that she did not belong in the exceeds class
because she asked a question and did not understand what to
do and she was told by another student that she was the
worst girl in 3rd grade. She does not want to go to school
but I work there! Please help.
A: From your description, she
is clearly more advanced than her peers and probably views
things a little differently. However, at 9 years of age,
this is not quite the norms and your daughter is going
through quite a bit and already feeling different in a
regular classroom atmosphere. The fact that the school does
not even recognize her exceptionality makes it even harder
for her to cope.
As for testing, you need to help your daughter relax and
understand the need to be tested. For this, the low-key,
matter-of-fact approach is best for her age group. Even if
she does not test well on a district test, you should still
look for ways and means to address her needs as parents are
the best and generally most accurate when it comes to
predicting giftedness in their children. District tests
provide a framework and norm for learning the core
curriculum. Unfortunately, they are used as a single
indicator of a child’s learning in a regular school system.
There are no multiple measures here used to monitor a
child’s progress and development. These tests, at best,
provide basic information of a child’s mastery of the
subject content according to an age based national
percentile. However, major decisions on educational
requirements are made solely on district test scores, which
may not favor gifted children. District tests are so black
and white that they do not take into account the various
learning styles of a child – which has been proven to exist.
Children take in information in so many different ways.
Nevertheless, this style of testing works for the majority
of the students- hence perhaps the best method to test a
large group. Due to this, special children may be left out.
On how to be a better test taker, you may want to look into
the various sites for tips on test taking and help your girl
with the information. In reality, while traditional schools
system might do a great job of educating the kids within the
spectrum of normal (may be bright and high achieving), they
may not be so good about dealing with anyone outside that
group – especially the gifted. Gifted children who may not
perform as expected to may be either so bored that they kind
of mentally check out of school, or their brain is simply
wired differently and a traditional classroom is just not
the answer to meet their needs. This may lead them to often
performing poorly when it comes to exams, although they
might be doing things like writing novel or conducting
scientific experiments in their spare time! Your daughter
may not be doing as well as you feel she could since she
probably finds the lessons not so meaningful – an aspect
that is crucial to learning for the gifted. This is quite
obvious since she actually knows the answers when you ask
her again, perhaps in a way more suited to her understanding
since you understand her needs better. This may not be
possible in a traditional classroom.
Having said all that, since you mentioned that she has been
diagnosed as having anxiety, there are some medications that
may reduce her anxiety during test periods. Speak to your
doctor about it. On her grades, a score of above 80% is a
dream to most; perhaps you should not push her too much for
better grades as she may equal grades to success. She is
already doing very well at school level so I would suggest
that you look into her gifts (creativity?) and help her at
home. You may also want to help her with her social skills
to enable her to fit better socially. If she has a few good
friends at school, it may help her view school more
positively.
There is a lot of work to be done on your side to nurture
her potential to the maximum but it would be well worth it.
Help her understand that grades are not everything - that
may reduce her anxiety tremendously. You may want to speak
to parents of the other kids who are mocking her at school
for some help in managing other kids. For now, nurture her
creativity, help her understand and find meaning in the work
she is doing. This may require you to teach her in a
different way – a method that she may find exciting and
meaningful. She needs a variety of activities. From what I
see, she is doing pretty well on her own and perhaps with
some help from you, she can learn even better regardless of
her grades. Do also help her understand that she may be
different and it is not bad at all. If she feels bad being
different and gets no support, she may try to fit in the
group and eventually burn out and accept mediocrity. This
would be really sad.
Try joining any gifted network and look up information on
the web. You could also identify other similar students from
the school and speak to the parents. Having others in the
same shoes can be very encouraging and helps build stronger
support. You may be able to get some help from the
Child Development Institute.
Hope that helps a little. All the best!
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