Make Your Child Smarter

ADD and ADHD Help

Q: I have a 10 year old boy who have been having problem with his studies since primary 1. I am a teacher myself but sadly have been unable to help him much in his studies for him to do well. The problem is, he has no problem sitting down doing his work but at the end of it most of them were wrong. Other than tuition I have also sent him to the special 'brain-enrichment' class (PACE) but still he has not shown much improvement.

I have always perceived someone with ADHD as being hypersensitive which my son is not. However, when I found out that there is also such thing as ADD, which I think more applicable to my son, I strongly believe that he may be ADD. However, where I can have him tested for ADD and how can I help him? Please advice.

A: I often recommend that parents get a pediatrician to recommend a thorough neuropsychiatric evaluation. This will rule out other conditions and assess for giftedness. As for how to help him, here are a few tips from my book, The Gift of ADHD.

Ask yourself: "If my child's most frustrating behavior was meant to teach me something - what would it be?" Many parents find themselves half distressed and half impressed at their child's indifference to people pleasing. Sometimes this is just the lesson parents need to learn in their own lives - many parents have become imbalanced in attending too much to seeking approval from others.

Forget about the competition. Your child can still strive to be outstanding without it being about comparisons to other children. ADHD and spirited children are sensitive to tension produced by parents competitiveness and the fear based motivation inhibits them.

Think in terms of three year cycles. Every child develops at their own rate and different arenas - cognitive, emotional, social and motor skills will likely alternate in their pace of growth. If your child is behind in one arena wait to see if they pick it up in time.

Breathe into your own frustration with your child. ADHD and spirited children really are a handful! They can be exhausting and draining. Find the frustration in your own body and imagine breathing so deeply your breath touches the weariness. This will prevent you from making the problem worse with your child. Do this with all your emotions and teach your child to do so also.

Keep Yourself Alive! It takes a lot of energy to keep up with ADHD and spirited kids. You need to become your own energy source. Feed your own passions. If you are married work to increase your intimacy with your partner. If you are single, keep you own love life alive.

Honor the kernel of self-reliance in all acts of defiance. Every time your child doesn't do what you asked them to do, ask them for an explanation. Honor their independent thinking and consider what part of it you may want to incorporate into your discipline. Continue to insist that your child respect your rules while demonstrating respect for their own rhythm and logic.

Adopt an optimistic explanatory style. When your child behaves in problematic ways explain these as being influenced primarily by the situation, circumstances, or environment. To yourself, your child and his or teachers explain bad behavior as limited in time (developmental) and limited in settings (he doesn't do it in other places). Catch your child doing something right and explain it to yourself, your child and your child's teacher as being internal, long lasting and present in many different settings. Research has shown that optimistic thinking can effect dramatic changes in outcomes.

Tell yourself a new story about your child's future. When you are tempted to get bogged down in fear, force yourself to create a positive future for your child in your imagination. ADHD and spirited children are intensely intuitive and respond to your emotions and expectations in powerful ways. If your child forgot to clean his room, find out why and tell yourself that your child has a mind of her own and will make a great leader, and you will continue to coach her in following through with commitments. Tell yourself that with this combination of original thinking and your discipline, your child will be unstoppable!

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