The Question of Expectation from Your Children - How Much is Too Much
By Andrew Loh
The word “expectation” has many definitions all of which are almost
similar in tone and tenor. According to Dictionary.com, the basic
definitions of the term “expectation” are:
The act or the state of expecting: to wait in expectation.
The act or state of looking forward or anticipating.
An expectant mental attitude: a high pitch of expectation.
Something expected; a thing looked forward to.
In the context of parenting, the term “expectation”
means looking forward for something from children. This “something”
could mean anything - good grades, better behavior, and tight
discipline, pleasing mannerism and obeying parents. The term
“expectation” may mean different things to different parents.
However, there is a differing sense of perception about expecting
something from your children. You may expect anything from your children
based on your needs and wants. You may want excellent grades from your
children. Alternatively, you may want your children do everything
according to your dictates and wishes. Unfortunately, such an approach
could be extremely negative and disadvantageous because you can never
tell when your expectations are realistic and when they are unrealistic.
Sometimes, the expectations that you demand from your children might be
not right and unfair.
Good and productive parenting relates to
knowing the secrets of setting the right expectations for your children
that catalyzes their skills and abilities without scrapping or
discouraging their emotions and spirits. To ensure that you ignite your
children's innermost desires and ambition to succeed in life, you may
need to ask yourself four basic and sensitive questions:
Are the expectations that you demand from your children developmentally feasible?
Are you pushing your children beyond their
limits? Are the expectations as desired by you, are stifling their
creativity and intelligence? You may want to evaluate the current age of
your children before expecting something bug from them. Every child has
his or her own developmental calendar and you just cannot overlook this
natural phenomenon. Make sure that you expect something from your
children as and when they are ready.
Are your expectations realistic in life?
Are you expecting too much from your children? Similarly, are your expectations fair and
reasonable? If your expectations are realistic, you can expect your
children to achieve something tangible. On the contrary, if they are
beyond children's capabilities, you may not see them achieving what you
want and desire.
Are the expectations children oriented?
Did you expect something for your own self? Alternatively, do you
expect your children to achieve something for their future? Make sure
that any expectations that you have should correlate with your
children's future alone and nothing else.
Are the expectations success and career oriented?
Are your expectations set a course of steps that eventually lead to children
becoming independent, dependable, responsible and self-worthy? When you
expect your children to do something or achieve a task, it should lead
an accrual of success in career and profession.
Simply speaking, expectations are the behavioral patterns that you want your children
display and achieve. It is a one-sided affair when most parents enforce
their expectations on their children and demand that they fulfill their
aspirations and expectations without fail. Setting some expectations is
very easy. However, achieving them is an altogether different matter.
However, when you set any expectations from your children, ensure that
you are communicating in the following manner:
Communicate with your children in a clear and precise manner.
Inquire if they understand what you are expecting from them.
Ask for any clarification and doubts and let them understand what exactly you want
them to do.
There is always a sense of difference in opinions of
parents and children. For example, parents may want their children to
clean and arrange their study table. However, children may have a
different view at the time parents ask them to clean their tables.
Children might be watching a game of football when parents asked them to
complete the task and they might have a different view of when they want
to finish the task. Likewise, many parents want their children score
better marks and get superior grades. These are their expectations from
However, children may not be ready to achieve these
tasks because of many critical reasons. They may not possess the skill
or intelligence to score higher grades. They might not be ready to pass
that test because they did not study hard enough. Parents' expectations
from their children are always very high. However, children may not be
mentally ready to satisfy the needs of their parents. It is a sort of
mismatch between two sets of perceptions. Parents may want to evaluate
their sense and level of perceptions. ‘How much is too much” - that is
the most important question! Continue to read
The Question of Expectation from Your Children - Simple Tips to Create Easy to Follow Expectations