Effective Discipline Techniques that Actually Work for Your Children - Part II
By Andrew Loh
There are several ways with which parent can deal with misbehavior in
their children. Here are some of them:
Know your children's limitations
You should be aware of what your
children are capable of and what they can do. Development milestones for
children are different. All children would have their own weaknesses and
disadvantages. A session of misbehavior could be genuine for a child
because she or he may not know how to follow your instructions. In fact,
they may not even understand or comprehend what you say to them.
Misbehavior could be a result of frustration and
Sometimes, a child might misbehave if she
or she is extremely disappointed and frustrated. For example, this
usually happens in older children. A low grade in school may be one of
the reasons for misbehavior at home. Alternatively, it could also arise
because of peer pressure in school. Knowing the exact reason for
misbehavior could be very good technique. Under such circumstances,
parents may need to encourage their children so that disappointment and
frustration go away from their mind.
Stick to your decisions
Once you make up your mind, never deviate from
it. Promises should be kept alive while rules ought to be maintained.
However, be realistic and truthful to your actions and never be too
harsh or rude.
Do not accept failure nor withdraw from your action
Temper tantrum displays are common among
children. Your children might throw a fit of anger if she or he does not
get what they want. Do not allow temper tantrum to success and avoid
this situation by not accepting bad behavior.
Be consistent in your approach
Do not change your ground
rules day by day. Stick to a working method and allow it to happen.
Frequent changes might confuse children and you may fail to see the
results you always wanted.
Respect your children's feelings and personality
Show a hint of respect towards
your children's feelings. However, never waver from your actions. For
example, your girl child might have been playing with her friend by
using her toys. After her friend leaves your home, your child may not
pick up her toys and keep them in their original place. Now, you may
like to say “I respect your feelings that you are little bit sad now
because your friend has gone back to her house. However, it is your duty
now to place all those toys back where they belong.” Give her one chance
to follow your instructions. If she refuses to obey, just lock all those
toys in a cupboard and tell the child that she will not get her toys for
playing at least for next two days.
Find out where you went wrong and rectify mistakes immediately
All of us are humans and we commit our mistakes from time to time. If you did not
handle a situation well today, do it correctly tomorrow. Try to
improvise on your methods on a daily basis. If a mistake is genuine, do
not worry unnecessarily about it. If you commit a blunder, make sure
that you apologize to your children. This will enhance your stature in
Caution: Spanking or hitting your children
could be very bad for their future. Avoid spanking your children.
Spanking has its own disadvantages some of which are given below:
It might lose its shine after some time and children often get used to it.
If parents keep on spanking, they lose the right to be kind and respectful later.
In fact, they may never be consistent with their children.
Spanking might raise a fit of anger and frustration in children.
Repeated spanking may lead to psychological ill-effects.
It can lead to physical harm to children.
In a way, spanking can never make your children learn
good behavior. Instead, it leads to increased instances of misbehavior
and occasional fit of anger that could be destructive at times.
Here are some negative techniques that could be counterproductive and negative:
Unnecessary repeating of commands
Pleading and begging
Ordering in a loud tone
Nagging at times
Labeling and name calling
Threatening and scolding
Being confusing and vague
Losing temper and becoming angry
Here are some techniques that actually work:
Consistent in actions and utterances
Firm and kind
Giving options and choices to children
Showing respect and making children feel proud
Using useful keywords like “When you complete..... then you may have.....”
Redirecting misbehavior to productive ones
Boosting good behavior with once in a while rewards.
1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12
By Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D
This revised edition of the award-winning 1-2-3 Magic program addresses the difficult task of child discipline
with humor, keen insight, and proven experience. The technique offers a foolproof method of disciplining children
ages two through 12 without arguing, yelling, or spanking.
By means of three easy-to-follow steps, parents learn to manage troublesome behavior, encourage good behavior,
and strengthen the parent-child relationship - avoiding the "Talk-Persuade-Argue-Yell-Hit" syndrome which
frustrates so many parents. Ten strategies for building a child's self-esteem and the six types of testing and
manipulation a parent can expect from the child are discussed, as well as tips on how to prevent homework
arguments, make mealtimes more enjoyable, conduct effective family meetings, and encourage children to start
doing their household chores.