Why Children Don't Listen? Understanding Children's Defying Behavior
By Andrew Loh
Children are lot more selective and choosy when it comes to listening.
Children like to listen only when they want to. They have their
preferences and choices when listening. They can hear what they want to,
be them listening to their favorite music or watching cartoon shows.
However, when their mothers ask for something or instruct them to do
something, children suddenly become very deaf. Most probably, parents
use every possible trick in the world to make their children listen to
their words. At times, they may even shout and yell at their children.
This is a common situation in almost every home in the world. As
children become deaf while choosing what to listen, parents start
getting nervous and exasperated. Just ask any parent about their most
difficult discipline challenge at home. Most probably, that parent will
have a ready-made answer - "my children never ever listen to me".
Listening to someone is an art and a great social skill. For
example, two people talking to each other. When a person talks to the
other, the other person will most probably thinking what he or she
should talk the other person. In fact, it is hint of selfishness - what
should I tell the other person and not actually listening to him or her.
Children are made to deny or defy others. In fact, children never like
someone to tell them something. For them something is very important if
it relates to their interest.
How do parents find solutions for
this unique problem? Not listening to parents is child-defying behavior.
It is also an act rebellion. In fact, rebellion is way to express one's
individuality and sense of independence. Dealing with this behavior will
lead a parent feeling lost power and control. It means that parents
should find some ways to train children to listen to other people.
Here are some basic guidelines to help children develop the art listening:
Sources of defying behavior
Three important trigger may make a child develop the defying behavior.
Stress conditions, failure at school and peer pressure could act very
powerful triggers to make your children non-cooperative. Finding the
source is quite difficult because all the three conditions may act on
your children at the same time. However, they give some ideas about the
action plans you can deploy at home.
Initiate dialogues to understand your children mind
Let your children be your friends. Treat them in that way. Be firm all the while developing
friendship. Friendship on a personal level cans a great level playing
field. With a closely initiated dialogue, you can open up your
children's mind. Once you open up your children, they will tell you some
reasons that are turning them into defying characters.
Never ever, get angry
Continual defying behavior makes
parents lose their patience and become mad. They may become angry and
start shouting at their children. However, this is not a correct way to
teach your children the social art of listening. Anger always begets
disobedience and lack of respect.
Understand your children properly
Children are always children. They are
fickle, unstable, nervous and rebellious. There are many reasons for
them to act in a specific way. Children never do anything intentionally.
You should give your children some time to learn the art of listening.
Being a small child is never easy for him or her.
Pat your children for good behavior
When your children listen to you, compliment them with thanks. This will motivate them to
learn art very quickly. Complimenting children for good behavior is a
passive way of positive reinforcement. One instance of listening to you,
should be treated as one successful way of achieving the desired target. Punishment
is a negative reinforcement and it will induce non-cooperation from your
Explain why not listening to others is a bad idea
Children never know what they are doing is a bad
idea. For them, reasons never matter. Parents should find out a way to
explain them about the problem of not listening to others. It is an art
of negotiation - parents explain about the good and bad to convince
children to show good behavior. When children understand that listening
to others can make them socially popular, they will start changing their mindset.
Listening to others is an essential social art and
great mechanism to develop personal relationships. The art of listening
is a slow process to master. One should listen to others with attention
to know what they are talking. Listening is a also a channel to
understand other's problems. Contine to read
Why Children Don't Listen? The Delicate Art of Listening