10 Things That Successful Parents Do
By Dr. Tom Olson
1. They are leaders as well as parents. They don't rely on the
schools, the government, television, the movies or music to teach
their children values and the difference between right and wrong.
They do it themselves.
2. They have a vision for their family and its future, one that
is discussed and shared often. And they support the vision with
clearly articulated, clarified and communicated values and beliefs.
Every action, behaviour, and decision is taken with those values and
beliefs firmly in mind. They constantly emphasize the relationship
between family successes and acting in accordance with the values
and beliefs. They make a clear distinction between right and wrong.
Everybody is clear on how things are to be done and why.
3. They are behavioural models for their children. Their
behaviours reflect those that they want the kids to emulate. They
are honest because they value honesty; open because they value
openness; forgiving because they value forgiveness. They make tough
decisions when necessary and they take responsibility for the
results. They don't just tell their children what to value and
believe; they show them through words and deeds.
4. They enable their children. They communicate high, but
achievable behavioural and performance expectations and provide the
spiritual, emotional, physical, intellectual and financial resources
the children need to successfully achieve them. They know that
self-esteem is a function of achievement.
5. They talk with their kids, not at them. They develop feedback
loops so the children can come to understand the impact of their
behaviour on others. They make sure the kids understand the
relationship behaviour and consequences. And they distinguish
between the child and his or her behaviour so, when there are
problems, they unconditionally love the child while looking for a
solution to the problem.
6. They take pains to understand how children develop. As the
children are finding their way in the world these parents use a
combination of maturity and skill to firmly direct when direction is
needed; discuss when the circumstances merit; push the kids away
when they are ready to make provisional tries when they are ready to
and, finally; they set them free altogether. Through it all, the
door is left open for the kids to come back if they needed to.
7. They take an active role in their children's education, both
formal and informal. They are active contributors to both the
schools and communities. They enrich the home environment in every
way they can. They go to concerts, games, on camping trips and,
unfailingly, to the ceremonies that mark the graduations from one
stage to the next.
8. Although their children are outstanding in any number of ways,
these parents freely admit their kids were anything but perfect.
They accept and openly talk about the fact that, while good kids,
their children are just as prone as others to the vicissitudes of
growing up and, on occasion, their behaviour reflects that fact.
9.When the time comes, they discuss the future and provide
appropriate advice and guidance regarding career and other life
choices that children must eventually make.
10.Through it all they encourage independent, critical thinking
so, in the final analysis, each child becomes his or her own person.
Dr. Tom Olson is the author of Don't Die With Your helmet On. Visit www.Dontdiewithyourhelmeton.com
for more information about Dr. Tom, the book and his work. firstname.lastname@example.org