Resiliency: Teaching Children How to Cope with Adversity
By Jana Beutler-Holland
"Life is not a matter of holding good cards but of playing a poor
hand well." - Robert Louis Stevenson
Resiliency, or the ability to "bounce back" from adversity and
challenge, is a trait (or perhaps a skill-set) that I'm sure all of
us as counselors, parents, and/or educators, hope to foster in our
children, our students, our clients, and even in ourselves. We know
that being resilient is necessary in being able to maintain
perspective, move forward, and overcome setbacks. Without
resiliency, an unfortunate event, accident, or loss can result in
giving up, learned helplessness, hopelessness, and a lack of social
interest.
Whenever I think of resiliency, I can't help but think about my
experiences as a Probation Officer in the Juvenile Court system and
the many children I encountered there who lived in unspeakable
conditions and in the most dysfunctional of circumstances. Amid the
many terribly troubled kids in the system, there were always a rare
few who were amazingly resilient, despite their living conditions
and familial dysfunction, making me wonder where they got the
strength to cope and exist in a world that, to them, must have
seemed terribly unfair and difficult.
Just as there are some children from great families who mess up and
have to learn many of life's lessons the hard way, there are, too,
many children who come from dysfunction and despair, who somehow
make it, and somehow survive amazingly well—despite poverty,
affliction, criminal families, lack of education, and a lack of
social or moral values or role models. I would often wonder, in my
years of working with some of the most troubled teens in town, what
their secret was. What was it that made it possible for one kid to
be capable of coping, overcoming problems, turning his life around,
and abiding by societal rules, when another from a similar
background just couldn't seem to be able to get it together?
Fortunately, much research has been done on the topic of resiliency,
and Tucson is a leader in the Resiliency Movement. The
Tucson
Resiliency Initiative (TRI) is "a grassroots effort to promote
resiliency".
According to "Introduction to Resiliency" by Katie Frey, Ph.D.,
researchers in this field have identified characteristics common to
children who have succeeded "against the odds." These protective
factors include many traits that can be developed by using
principles that we identify from psychology as being Adlerian in
nature, including encouragement, respect, and social interest. In
her article, Dr. Frey lists qualities of resilient children as those
who are "self-reliant, independent, self-controlled, hopeful, and
who have an internal locus of control, and a sense of purpose."
So what can we do to help foster these qualities and create an
environment for our children that is condusive to resiliency? To
learn resiliency, we can help provide access to resources for
meeting basic needs, access to leadership positions, opportunities
for decision-making, and meaningful participation in the community.
Other suggestions by Dr. Frey include creating an environment where
there is unconditional acceptance by at least one other person,
having clear and enforced boundaries, encouraging pro-social values,
appreciating an individual's unique talents, and creating and
maintaining a positive school climate with teachers and positive
adults who truly care.
So as the school year begins, and many of us resume (or continue) in
our efforts to make the world a more encouraging and resilient
place, keep in mind that the single most important thing you can do
in the life of a child is to love him or her and present
opportunities for growth and resiliency.
For more information on the Resiliency Movement, check out these
resources:
www.tucsonresiliency.org
www.raisingresilientkids.com
www.resiliency.com
Jana Beutler Holland, M.Ed. is a life coach, therapist, and personal trainer based in Tucson, Arizona. Jana is owner of
Life in Motion Coaching, a Life Coaching Company, as well as SWAT Fitness, a personal training company, providing
personal fitness training in Tucson and online, as well as offering several other fitness programs to help clients lose
weight, improve their health and fitness levels, and live happier, healthier lives.
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